Friday, 24 April 2009

Prelude To A Kiss

Go Kiss the World might me an invocation to our entrepreneurial wanderlust to elicit the Megallans and Vasco da Gammas amongst us but public kissing, it looks like, will never cease to ruffle a feather or two in India. A professor of psychology at Lafayette College, Pennsylvania, recently extolled the virtue of a lip lock that sparks off a complex chemical surge into the brain making a lover feel excited, happy or relaxed. Dentists say a good kiss prevents tooth decay as it stimulates the flow of saliva while fitness experts state that a long kiss helps to loose weight. A kiss releases adrenaline into the bloodstream and the heart pumps more blood into the body, there by pre-empting chances of heart blocks. By helping tone cheek and jaw muscles and prevent their sagging, the habit of compulsive kissing can hold back ageing. I could not, therefore, help admiring ‘James Belshaw’ and ‘Sophia Severin’, who in 2005 locked their lips-hold on your breath- for 31 hours and 30 minutes to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest kiss ever, at an event in London. But the question is, when does public smooching become taboo?? What is the threshold age for a human being to abdicate his normal right to kiss and be kissed in pubic?? When does the commonest form of showing love and affection morph into a no-go area of carnal passion to be decried in public??

Pity there was such brouhaha over Padmini Kolhapure planting a smooch on the Prince of Whales or Shabana Azmi kissing Nelson Mandela, or the Hollywood actor Richard Gere crooning over Shilpa Shetty only a couple of years ago. Ayatollah Khomeini outlawed kissing even between a man and his wife in Iran while, according to Genesis, God “infused the spirit of life” into a man with a kiss. We are thankful to the Delhi high court for its having dismissed criminal proceedings against a married couple charged with obscenity for allegedly kissing in the public. Ironically, we have no problem in the Roman categories of ‘osculum’ – the kiss of friendship on the face or cheeks and ‘basium’ – the kiss of affection on the lips, though the stricture, it looks like, applies to ‘sauvium’ – the lovers’ kiss of lip-to-lip variety. It is about time our moral brigade became less prudish about such inanities and was more vocal about other obscenities like child labour in India...”

This was an article in the editorial section of the Times of India, labeled under ‘Moral Police’, dated April 24th ’09. There is nothing to feel sheepish about it, what ever it said, made good enough sense to me. Thus, I felt obliged to place it up here, with the noble intension of helping those, who happened to miss it, or, even those who have the habit of re-taking things several times, before they get well settled into their heads.

So...what’s your take on this???

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

How Cheap can your Life get ???

Now, in case you happen to be a sporting enthusiast & you are an Indian albeit a slightly crazy Indian, you can get as cheap as 500 bucks!! Ask how? Read on...

With the International sporting events becoming all too popular in our own cities, a lot of small adventure camps and sport-events organizing firms have cropped up targeting young and ignorant corporate honchos who are more than willing for the drive of ecstasy out of their otherwise lonesome, dolorous busy life.

One such event of ‘Bungee Jumping’ was organized near Banenrghatta National Park, off the city limits of Bangalore. It was conducted by the group ‘Head Rush Bungee’ under the guidance of CARE India. Little, did any one expect that the name ‘Head Rush’ had a pun intended...The group reported some technical issues related to the crane, which was used to elevate the participant up to a height of about 130 ft before the jump.

After facing apparent trouble with the Bungee event, the organizers weren’t in a mood to flinch from the monetary aspect considering the large crowd which had turned up all excited. So, they proposed an alternative- Reverse Bungee Jump, offered at a lesser price of Rs 500/- as compared to Rs 750/- for the Bungee Jump. A couple of trials by one of the organizers, catapulting himself in the air before the cord hanged him to safety. God forbid that son of a gun was lucky! the first one who followed...Bhargava a young engineer from TN, had his cord snapped!...and he plummeted head first towards the flat ground...with only a few despairing breaths left in his life.

Now...How are the MoFo organizers responsible...??

1. The Cord Snapped. This is thoroughly unacceptable. It is your goddamned cord to which I am hanging my dear life with, it CANNOT snap at all costs….but it did. Apparently it was getting weakened at one spot and you cared a shit!

2. No safety-net, no cushions and no water! Yea...ready to spend big bucks on that 130 ft crane, but noooo...the pennies, they have to save for their generous bestowment towards poor and the needy of our country...Prioritizing is obviously an ugly disease.

3. No Ambulance, no Doctor and WTF? Not even a First Aid box!!! Now, THAT is called ‘True Confidence’. If your cord snaps or the harness un-hooks, we guarantee, you Die!

4. No License to conduct such an event. Now this one really outraged me...How the hell..??!#$%!! Fck...can people in our country be sooo daringly ignorant???? If I happen to meet you guys someday...just pray that I don’t carry a shot-gun.

5. No NOC from the local police for conducting such an event. Now…when all you have, is nothing but a piece of junk for a crane...then the name of Merlin’s saggy left bum, you organize such an event?...I blame CARE India for this one, being a reputed firm in this domain it should face some grave charges!

6. Last but certainly not the least...They dared to gloat inextricably on their web site deluding the viewers from the horrifying facts of the game. The registration portal claims the event to be extremely safe, ushered by med assists, supervised by trained professionals and certified by the regulatory and safety boards...which if any case happens to be true? Then the author of this post will not spare them from being gratified as cheap, low-lying saprophytic dung-licking MoFo.

I didn’t suffer from anything, but I have my anger justified when I say, these son of a bitch organizers should have their balls clobbered with a sledge hammer just after slicing their spleen...because, it could just have been...ME or even my friend.

I and my room mate HSG had registered for the event pretty excitedly a week before. We were offered the same Reverse Bungee alternative and allotted the same batch timing during which the tragedy had occurred. Lucky we both had a stupid altercation a few days back upon which my friend objected to go and being enraged I decided to leave him behind for good and proceed alone. As it happened (God knows how and why) we managed to have a sort-of patch up the same morning, on which he offered me to come along on his bike for the event. But owing to bitter memories of the last few days we both ultimately called it off, just like that, thinking, there is always next time!!....and went to play badminton instead.

Dad broke the news early next morning as it appeared in the front page of Sunday Times. I was sorry to find my parents so much worried...but, at the same time felt eternally blessed :D

After having said and done so much, there was a feeling of renewed sense of life which called for a celebration...and we did in Grand style! :D ;)

This brings us to the lessons which you ought to learn!

1. If you ever wana enjoy sporting events such as these? Then remember!.....India is the place where you come back and brag about it!

2. Always be prepared to back out no matter how exciting the plan may seem. (as, in this case I know I wouldn’t have backed out for sure, once I had reached the destination...and after watching a few people perform, it would have been impossible)

3. Intuitions are for real! If not trust them then at least consider their possibility in mind and be prepared.(Having more than one instance in my life made me point this out here)

4. It is sometimes good to get into a stupid fight...after all you fight with the ones you like!