Friday, 24 April 2009

Prelude To A Kiss

Go Kiss the World might me an invocation to our entrepreneurial wanderlust to elicit the Megallans and Vasco da Gammas amongst us but public kissing, it looks like, will never cease to ruffle a feather or two in India. A professor of psychology at Lafayette College, Pennsylvania, recently extolled the virtue of a lip lock that sparks off a complex chemical surge into the brain making a lover feel excited, happy or relaxed. Dentists say a good kiss prevents tooth decay as it stimulates the flow of saliva while fitness experts state that a long kiss helps to loose weight. A kiss releases adrenaline into the bloodstream and the heart pumps more blood into the body, there by pre-empting chances of heart blocks. By helping tone cheek and jaw muscles and prevent their sagging, the habit of compulsive kissing can hold back ageing. I could not, therefore, help admiring ‘James Belshaw’ and ‘Sophia Severin’, who in 2005 locked their lips-hold on your breath- for 31 hours and 30 minutes to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest kiss ever, at an event in London. But the question is, when does public smooching become taboo?? What is the threshold age for a human being to abdicate his normal right to kiss and be kissed in pubic?? When does the commonest form of showing love and affection morph into a no-go area of carnal passion to be decried in public??

Pity there was such brouhaha over Padmini Kolhapure planting a smooch on the Prince of Whales or Shabana Azmi kissing Nelson Mandela, or the Hollywood actor Richard Gere crooning over Shilpa Shetty only a couple of years ago. Ayatollah Khomeini outlawed kissing even between a man and his wife in Iran while, according to Genesis, God “infused the spirit of life” into a man with a kiss. We are thankful to the Delhi high court for its having dismissed criminal proceedings against a married couple charged with obscenity for allegedly kissing in the public. Ironically, we have no problem in the Roman categories of ‘osculum’ – the kiss of friendship on the face or cheeks and ‘basium’ – the kiss of affection on the lips, though the stricture, it looks like, applies to ‘sauvium’ – the lovers’ kiss of lip-to-lip variety. It is about time our moral brigade became less prudish about such inanities and was more vocal about other obscenities like child labour in India...”

This was an article in the editorial section of the Times of India, labeled under ‘Moral Police’, dated April 24th ’09. There is nothing to feel sheepish about it, what ever it said, made good enough sense to me. Thus, I felt obliged to place it up here, with the noble intension of helping those, who happened to miss it, or, even those who have the habit of re-taking things several times, before they get well settled into their heads.

So...what’s your take on this???

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

How Cheap can your Life get ???

Now, in case you happen to be a sporting enthusiast & you are an Indian albeit a slightly crazy Indian, you can get as cheap as 500 bucks!! Ask how? Read on...

With the International sporting events becoming all too popular in our own cities, a lot of small adventure camps and sport-events organizing firms have cropped up targeting young and ignorant corporate honchos who are more than willing for the drive of ecstasy out of their otherwise lonesome, dolorous busy life.

One such event of ‘Bungee Jumping’ was organized near Banenrghatta National Park, off the city limits of Bangalore. It was conducted by the group ‘Head Rush Bungee’ under the guidance of CARE India. Little, did any one expect that the name ‘Head Rush’ had a pun intended...The group reported some technical issues related to the crane, which was used to elevate the participant up to a height of about 130 ft before the jump.

After facing apparent trouble with the Bungee event, the organizers weren’t in a mood to flinch from the monetary aspect considering the large crowd which had turned up all excited. So, they proposed an alternative- Reverse Bungee Jump, offered at a lesser price of Rs 500/- as compared to Rs 750/- for the Bungee Jump. A couple of trials by one of the organizers, catapulting himself in the air before the cord hanged him to safety. God forbid that son of a gun was lucky! the first one who followed...Bhargava a young engineer from TN, had his cord snapped!...and he plummeted head first towards the flat ground...with only a few despairing breaths left in his life.

Now...How are the MoFo organizers responsible...??

1. The Cord Snapped. This is thoroughly unacceptable. It is your goddamned cord to which I am hanging my dear life with, it CANNOT snap at all costs….but it did. Apparently it was getting weakened at one spot and you cared a shit!

2. No safety-net, no cushions and no water! Yea...ready to spend big bucks on that 130 ft crane, but noooo...the pennies, they have to save for their generous bestowment towards poor and the needy of our country...Prioritizing is obviously an ugly disease.

3. No Ambulance, no Doctor and WTF? Not even a First Aid box!!! Now, THAT is called ‘True Confidence’. If your cord snaps or the harness un-hooks, we guarantee, you Die!

4. No License to conduct such an event. Now this one really outraged me...How the hell..??!#$%!! Fck...can people in our country be sooo daringly ignorant???? If I happen to meet you guys someday...just pray that I don’t carry a shot-gun.

5. No NOC from the local police for conducting such an event. Now…when all you have, is nothing but a piece of junk for a crane...then the name of Merlin’s saggy left bum, you organize such an event?...I blame CARE India for this one, being a reputed firm in this domain it should face some grave charges!

6. Last but certainly not the least...They dared to gloat inextricably on their web site deluding the viewers from the horrifying facts of the game. The registration portal claims the event to be extremely safe, ushered by med assists, supervised by trained professionals and certified by the regulatory and safety boards...which if any case happens to be true? Then the author of this post will not spare them from being gratified as cheap, low-lying saprophytic dung-licking MoFo.

I didn’t suffer from anything, but I have my anger justified when I say, these son of a bitch organizers should have their balls clobbered with a sledge hammer just after slicing their spleen...because, it could just have been...ME or even my friend.

I and my room mate HSG had registered for the event pretty excitedly a week before. We were offered the same Reverse Bungee alternative and allotted the same batch timing during which the tragedy had occurred. Lucky we both had a stupid altercation a few days back upon which my friend objected to go and being enraged I decided to leave him behind for good and proceed alone. As it happened (God knows how and why) we managed to have a sort-of patch up the same morning, on which he offered me to come along on his bike for the event. But owing to bitter memories of the last few days we both ultimately called it off, just like that, thinking, there is always next time!!....and went to play badminton instead.

Dad broke the news early next morning as it appeared in the front page of Sunday Times. I was sorry to find my parents so much worried...but, at the same time felt eternally blessed :D

After having said and done so much, there was a feeling of renewed sense of life which called for a celebration...and we did in Grand style! :D ;)

This brings us to the lessons which you ought to learn!

1. If you ever wana enjoy sporting events such as these? Then remember!.....India is the place where you come back and brag about it!

2. Always be prepared to back out no matter how exciting the plan may seem. (as, in this case I know I wouldn’t have backed out for sure, once I had reached the destination...and after watching a few people perform, it would have been impossible)

3. Intuitions are for real! If not trust them then at least consider their possibility in mind and be prepared.(Having more than one instance in my life made me point this out here)

4. It is sometimes good to get into a stupid fight...after all you fight with the ones you like!

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Dev D-fied !!

Although a great and very frank movie but this one disappointed me slightly...probably a 5 star critics rating had raised my expectations to enormous extents...that I found the film dragging a bit and becoming monotonous in the second half. A non smoker and non-drinker would definitely get bored and probably could hardly be able to make a deeper connection with the movie :P As in most of the movie the protagonist, Devender Singh Dhillon, (Abhay Deol) keeps wandering around the much coveted streets of Delhi in search of a body or soul to quench his thirst for sexual desires and at the same time, simply satisfy his deep rooted feelings towards paro, by actually not indulging in the act, being always drunk and heavily drugged, seen on a high 24x7!!

The reason why I got a little disappointed was because I could not find much conviction in Dev D’s character to relate it to the various extremities he traverses through his life...If the character was supposed to have gone through all that for nothing? Then in my impression Dev D was a weak character altogether...cuz screwing up ure ass to such enormous extents by your very own kind of bizarre foolishness...none the less, I can still guarantee you a fantastic time if you watch this movie out with friends or in a group. For best results, go on a week-end, preferably to a posh locality (as we did, last Saturday)...cuz with the “crowd” in the vicinity, you come out big and gloating :P :D

The first half of the movie is awesome...As all the characters are introduced by throwing a flashlight at their past. This takes you to a rhapsodic yet an emotionally gripping ride, meticulously coupled with deeply impacting sound tracks. Mahi Gill has played a typical Modern Delhi girl...a character, which I don’t think there is a need to describe in words :)Her character has all the traits of a typical dehlite-punjaban and she’s has portrayed it flawlessly...

Abhay Deol was no doubt excellent in the movie. His normalcy and calmness brings about a different kind of frankness in his attitude which was brilliantly casted in his role. His arrogance yet acceptance of his highly neurotic state is a cool combination...Unlike the previous Dev Dasses, this one particularly had the patience of pausing for an occasional smile...much at his own plight. Amongst his other austerely cool ways of doing things was, the way he used to walk in casually, roll up the Rizla(paper) and prepare a joint...jus like that!!

Now coming to the best feature of the film-it's "sound tracks". The songs are simply amazing!!! All of them.In case you have not seen the picture then also I gurantee that you will like a few of them, but after watching the movie, you will just fall in love with the kind of music, all the songs are composed with. The music style has its roots rather primitive, having a taste of “thet Marwadi/northIndian Hindi” in terms of lyrics and as well as background composition but are marvelously blended with modern rock and beats...with an occasional touch of trans the phenomena.

Out of all, Emosional Atyachaar (both live as well as rock version...thogh rock version really roxx!!!), Nayan Tarase, Pardesi, Sali Khushi, Duniya Badi Gol, Aankh Micholi, Ek hulchul Si, are my fav!...I found the rest of them also to be good in a way because they were situational and very well versed with the story...apart from having a touch of spice in them. :D

From his movie, director Anurag Kashyap highlighted the famous DPS MMS Scandal...and the victim of the scandal ultimately evolves into the character of ‘Chandramukhi’, who is named as ‘Chanda’ in this film...'Kalki Koechlin', as far as I know- a new face, has contributed to this role...Although I did not find her acting to be very impressive but still, her appearance satisfactorily justified her role...

Another one of the incidents, if we recollect...where the son of some Army big-shot had crashed his BMW and killed four people sleeping on the streets, has been utilized shrewdly by Kashyap in light of the creating that ray of hope for our man Dev D, to cling onto, so as to come out of his despairing state of affairs. He ultimately he does that, but only after he gets another big jerk of the sorts...

That’s one of the differences which you may find amazing in this modern version of Dev Das saga. Our new Dev Das actually never really wanted to die out of I could infer from the movie was that he considered sex and vodka as the safest refuge from the hassles of his love in a way that’s kinda cool!! :P Ultimately he realizes that ‘Chanda’ is the one, who can shower angelic love which he was desperately searching for or rather which he ought to be desperately searching for, in the end he grabs the new funtie and scurries away with her... :D

All in all...a great movie, different from the usual. Though not going with the critic's rating given by Times, I personally rate it around 3.5 to 4 stars...on a 5 point scale.

P.S. - A word of advice- Drinking heavily under dim lights and listening to Trans Music or even Dev D’s songs, immediately after watching the movie is not advisable. Your own love-life, even if all flowery can seem to look awfully’s an experienced voice that is cautioning ;) :P jus kidding...the songs simply rock!!!(otherwise) :D over all guys....Do Watch!!!!


Saturday, 7 February 2009

Why did Mammoths perish ???

Here we are talking about Mammoths...yea the same 'M' lettered Big-Shot who used to roam around naked, scaring every one, until few years back... We all know, who they really were and what they were capable of…but, did any one of us ever thought why did they become extinct??? Even the researchers aren’t convinced with the available evidence for their sudden extinction (‘wiki’ doesn’t know too). Not that we care, but still worth a thought... is a possible theory!

They were mentally too sick and tired of their lives…to an extent that, they did not have to get any inspiration from Dev D, or even had the need to watch RGV’s AAG…Their life sucked big time! It was this sickening feeling which emanated from deep within and kept on proliferating from fellow mates and one very fine day they could not stand it any

They all committed suicide!

Now you may ask why their lives were so despairing ???

Here are a few reasons as to why-

1. No Sex!!! Yep, that’s a real big blow…look at the image…they could do nothing more than scratch each others ass with that big tusk…(probably that’s how they developed that curvature)…I mean where the hell will you create contact ???

2. No Foreplay and fun- again owing to their massive tusks…performing oral is out of their dreams!! Poor fellows could only restrict themselves to sniffing…now that’s SAD

3. Tiresome, cant Sit and Rest- Again their big tusks proved to be much of a pain in the ass…for which sitting could only be possible by bending their hind legs yet keeping their front ones straight….there you have it....a perfect posture to develop a back ache! Aur shot laga liya

4. Sleep Deprived- Imagine with that outwardly pointing tusks, how on earth could they have managed to lie down and sleep??? The only position that I can think of is by lying down and facing up towards the sky…Now a 10 ton giant to get up from that position without hurting his teeth? You gotta be kidding...

5. Reproduction- How did they reproduce???? The above points already screw up the fun part in the process, yet if they had to? Then I believe we can have 2 possible cases-
a) If they reproduced like mammals, then owing to the above mentioned discrepancies, the fetal point would have to be somewhere outside the two mating bodies…now that is a disgrace for the poor baby mammoth, unaware of his parents’ nonchalance.
b) Else, If the mother mammoth lays an egg, (neglecting all the possible means of how she would be able to) then it would be hideously painful for her to shove an egg out of her (which ever)organ, obviously owing to its two protruding pointed little baby tusks. Ooouch!…no wonder she’ll hate the baby before it is even born :P

6. Insecurity Complex- Although every one would have been scared of their large tusks, but Mammoths knew how useless they were. And this fact used to kill their confidence from inside…That’s because they were stupidly curved, they could only be used as a wall to shied their trunk in combat…They could hardly use it for piercing the opponent or to rip them apart. I have a feeling that at a later point in time, all the animals had come to realize this fact and had harassed them.

7. Racial Discrimination- They would have seen their other(later evolved) family counterparts-Elephants, nicely mingling with humans, as elephants provided added bounties like carrying logs, transportation and easy to handle figure. Considering the bona-fide human quality of bribing and showing partiality, Elephants would have increased their mockery of their own ancient ancestors. Poor souls...

8. Load- As a fact of dental science, approximately a third of our teeth is exposed and two-thirds of the whole lies inside, creating a solid foundation. Now look at this poor fellow’s case? With each tooth, easily weighing over 50 pounds and hanging by a weak support (check out its fossil remains you think I am wrong), ye kahan ka nyaay hai ??? It can get really nasty if a monkey happens to play around and accidentally loosen the hinges...the pain can melt his balls!

9. No Social Life- Hardly a place suitable for them to hang out with their buddies. They can’t go for a swim on the beach, nor trekking or hiking with that load. Forests could lead their tusks getting entangled...too much pain already. For Wooly-Mammoths who used to live in all snowy environments, they were hardly able to enjoy the snow! Skiing would be disastrous, because ten tons of a load on mother earth, if fallen, can only bring about an avalanche. Alas, Beer was not invented; otherwise they would have at least had a chance :)

So that’s what brought about the sad end of these creatures…Respond to this valuable finding earnestly, I may propose it further upon your approval :P

Source of Inspiration: Me and my roomie, Harpreet, were watching Lions in Discovery Channel yesterday. From there we got in to a discussion about whose social life is more worse…whether a Lion’s or a Tiger’s ?....We then went on to Cougars then Saber-tooth…and we finally ended up on Mammoths :D Useful inputs were provided by him too, in context of this valuable finding.

Thursday, 5 February 2009

Birthday bash.....

Its been long, that I have not done justice to my beloved readers….If I had been a Shakespeare or a Tolkien or a McCarthy etc, I wouldn’t have given a shit before using that line…..bah!, but the fact remains, I never got time to update my blog in the recent past…This being the first post since then, I am assuming your benign patience :P Well….with no better topic in mind, I thought I’d rather pen down the affairs of the most wonderful day so far this year, which happened to be my birthday! :)

Starting off…from the previous night, I was badly pissed for a lot of reasons, had a really long n tiring day in the office, slogging my ass off…I had to stay back later than usual, so eventually I missed the last shuttle of the day by hours…

My cubicle mate, Uday cancelled his dinner plans with his roomies & chose to drop me home on his bike at around 11 in the night. I decided to treat him, for which he accepted only on account of my on coming birthday…Boy! that was some dinner, a typical Andhraite cuisine, we had their special ‘all-rice’ meals. He being an andhraite we went to Nandhini Hotel, famous for its Andhra-style delicacy…

On the way back home, I realized it was not long…and desperately wished if it was somehow possible to postpone my birthday by a couple of weeks. Not holding any expectations what so ever, the only wish I had, was to be able to spare some good amount of time so that I can speak to my family whole heartedly…But guess!, I was in for quite a surprise... not just one but a series of surprises :)

Hmmm…as I entered the house I found one of my office friends - Nitin, already sitting inside with Varun (my room mate cum project mate) and his elder bro Ashu was busy on his own….I was actually glad to see him, but since my ambiance was reflecting sardonic monotone since long, I chose to remain quite, casual & as-a-matter-of-fact-ish. Harpreet had to follow support timings and Rohit (another room mate) works on shifts, both were no where to be seen…

Suddenly around 11:50 Sardaar(a.k.a Harpreet) made an entry carrying 5 bottles of beer…looked at me casually and said…

”sab log busy the, aur late aaye….sare shops band ho chuke the to cake nahi mila…I could not help it, isi se kaam chala le”

I said….fine, no issues at all….a stress buster was more than anything that I needed at that time….I went into my bed room to change, then right as the clock struck 12 I heard voices outside in the hall, turned around, saw a hint of Rohit’s shirt (he had come down from the office asking an early leave for the day)

Next moment…….

I was being laundered!!...literally, the noise was worse than what you will find in ‘dhobi ghat’…5 people on a rampage, beating me with stuff I could never have imagined in my dreams…there were Rods, Chappals, Hangers, Skipping rope and I was even threatened by a Leather hunter…Well It was hard to fathom if they were expressing their immense love or relishing their long held desire to even things out, wonderfully disguised by the occasion…Rohit particularly mentioned…”Main to nahi chodunga sale pade ko…bahut maraya hoon me tere birthday ke liye” Damn!…from that moment, I decided, the only day I’ll most eagerly await will be my room mates’ birthdays!!.....

After about 30 minutes of bashing and running around the house, when they finally realized that they might have equaled if not exceeded the count, compared to the total count of beatings, I would have taken in my history of 23 years, I gasped for some breadth…only to find myself running bare feet on the road, the very next moment…

Imagine….12 30 at night at a very peaceful residential locality, running out like mobsters…Things were fine till I was chasing Rohit with the bottle of sprite but it gets a bit nasty if you have a Sardaar wild in hot pursuit, in the middle of the night, holding a bottle of beer and madness struck in his mind…I had accepted it looong before it went over me…

Next when we returned home, I found they had brought the cake as well :)….It was kept safe at our owner’s refrigerator…Then went on the usual cake cutting ceremony followed by a 'cake-body-massage'…No wonder I enjoyed purposely falling over Harpreet’s mattress with beer, sprite and cake laden clothes…That was by far the best part of the night! :D :D

(from left- Nitin, Varun, Rohit, Me and Sardaar...Ashu took the pic)

We wrapped up later with having beer & sutta at our usual hangout, the front parking space of the house before we went to sleep…

The next day I woke up early, took sardaar’s bike and went up to the temple as promised to my dear mum…Immediately after that I received their blessings on the phone…already rejuvenated and happy, before ending the call, my ‘Pa’ asked me to check for a courier in the office…wow more surprises!!!

Upon reaching office, little did I expect that my mail box will be loaded with Birthday wishing mails :) Some unknown people, some of whom I wouldn’t have spoken more than a word in the entire year, had actually bothered to take some time out to send in their warm wishes…May be it shows the power of MindTree’s ‘bench strength’, but still I wouldn’t have done that just for anybody…

Next big surprise, my PM came to my desk around 12 in the noon, to hug and kiss me good bye!! :) He confirmed my release and added he doesn’t want the authorities to bite hiss ass questioning, if I were to be found working there again :) :)

And I did not waste a split second, getting moved by the emotions of the moment, immediately messaged Sardaar n Rohit to stop all the shit they were busy with and book the tickets, cuz we were goin to GOA!!!!! They responded to my SOS with more conviction than expected and quickly explored all the possible options of jugaad …travel agents, on-line sites, jack through somebody’s contact etc…

In the afternoon, I checked out the dispatch dept for my courier and found a lovely T-shirt awaiting me in the parcel. I have always loved my bro’s choice…:) and I thanked god that the day couldn’t have any been better…..but I guess it had more in store for me…

I continued with my work, and at around 5 :30 a mail popped up from Varun. It was sent to the entire team. This is exactly what it read…

“Let us all gather together at Phase 3 cafeteria to celebrate Devar’s Birthday….Bring along with you what ever tool and stuff you can get…sticks, woodland shoes etc etc… to ensure a happening time :)“

Dang!!! No sooner did I finish reading it, every one had already started. It was so sincerely planned and immaculately timed…that it made our project look shamelessly secondary before the cause :P …I was probably carrying the most austerely dumb expression of a happy fool over my face, not able sink in the reality of the moment as I had never expected anything like this, especially considering the kind of atmosphere that was prevailing in the recent days. I was vaguely aware of people murmuring around the way up, either patting my back or warming their hands in a threatening gesture, while I was struggling hard to keep myself calm, composed & again, as-a-matter-of-fact-ish…For those who do not know how my project runs, things like these, never happen, even our PM confronted Varun asking the reason for this partiality :) (Thanks bro.. :))

Well…it happened…more than 50 people had gathered, 2 large cakes were cut, some went over my body for which I too tried to retaliate although it was hard to do while sustaining that gentleman-ly behavior… Then as per the tradition I got loads on my bum...(for a moment Varun had forgotten he had a lingament tear in one of his legs..), then PM handed me a MindTree table clock, and a Birthday Card signed by the entire team…. it was all fun…(except for the Bum bashing part...)

The last one......came as a conformation-of-tickets mail at around 7 :30 PM, Rohit got the tickets arranged; he booked for both onward and return from Goa…finally!!!! :D ... it was decided....and nothing separated that delightful moment except for a few hours wait that’s it!...

The rest of the day was spent over the phone as calls kept coming in tandem from either relatives or friends….

So…that’s how the day ended…I only wish it keeps on getting better in the years to come…. ;) :P

P.S.- I’d like to dedicate this post to all those who helped to make this day such a memorable one…Love u all…