Kyunki Saans me Kabhi Badboo Thi....

Grounded at home these days, I pry upon the opportunity, to sometimes gauge my mental stability by watching obnoxious soap operas produced by Ekta Kapoor.
This one is about a very popular n probably the longest running serial- “Kyun ki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi” or simply “kyun ki” which I happened to watch the other day, accidentally being late for dinner, nevertheless it got me hoodwinked to an extent that I postponed my work the next day just to glimpse the dramatic end of an ongoing intermediary melodrama. Not to mention the dinner that day, which I totally forgot kept below my nose, as the trauma of the episode was flabbergasting. It left me wondering that Himesh Reshamiya really did a great job in his “Aap ka Suroor”.

Well here is how the pathetic story runs by…..

There lives a stupid old lady by the name of ‘Tulsi’ the protagonist of this show, who is married to an exceedingly rich businessman 'Mehir Veerani', although because of some unfortunate turn of events he is left with merely a few clinging pennies. Tulsi, a daughter to a pooraji, is obsessed with his ‘thakurji’ and ‘haridwar’ and can blow the shit out of your head by all the ramayan n mahabharat crap! Apparently the poor script writer was made to slog these ancient epics numerous times that now he can’t even breathe out without resonating religious undertones….


So, Tulsi having undergone a plastic surgery for some unfortunate reasons….probably coz Smriti Irani hav had enough of this shit for over five years….has now acquired the face of the beloved wife ’Juhi’ of another maniac called “Juss Thakral” who some how happens to be a rich business man himself
Look at the height of co-incidence!!!! No less than a miracle! Not only does her face changes n finds resemblance with the other woman…her hair, body, her skin colour, even her finger size is tested to match exactly with thakral’s wife! Imagine the extent of stupidity as characters in the serial are actually shown prying upon these minor stupid details ultimately creating an altercation and the usual family break up shit!...for what???....just to uncover the real identity of the new ‘Tulsi’....

Bloody Hell!!!! How stupid can one get????? If a new actor is brought in obviously every part of her body will change!
Another interesting fact….the word middle-class don’t exist for these people who make this urban rich family melodramas nor do they happen to have the slightest knowledge of the rich families…. they see no limit, as a new born is often seen coming in these families toddling with a 300 crore cheque in his hand instead of a bauble or a doll….
Give me a break!......


Well this ‘thakral’ guy portrays the role of a psycho maniac who is presently in a traumatic state of mind for the loss of his wife until he sees “tulsi” wearing her new glamorous look. He then begins to plot funky schemes, obviously over hyped by the public for no reason what so ever, to win his beloved back. He is apparently obsessed with her scent, her touch, her voice n ahem ahem….too.
So one fine day this guy learns that d house opposite of which tulsi lives, is on an auction. Now how much lucky you one get???? Horse Shit to follow…. No particular reason for the auction was mentioned. To hell with the auction, what amazes me is how they managed to crop up the neighbors who had no existence since the flourishing past five generations of Veerani parivar! Getting back to shit…….So with the might of his mysteriously earned money he fights Mehir to get the possession of the house by bidding higher, knowing that tulsi’s husband is mere small timer now.
However, wining the house dint seem to satisfy his lust as he could only ‘watch’ all the action through his night vision binoculars through his window let alone himself enjoy it much like frustration of the little boy in 'Malena' :) This boils him to fury. Mean while Tulsi is having a hard time at her own house with her daughter- in-laws constantly torturing n pestering her…apparently bored of her dharmik shit!. They don’t believe that she is the real Tulsi even after a conformation of the DNA report. God!...I cant imagine ladies in such rich high class families have nothing else in life to do other than cribbing about someone’s not so fabulous hairdo, the vague simplicity of their elders, colour of their drivers livery, the usual event of their child’s imprisonment caught in drug abuse...blah blah.. (the word abuse is only contemporary to my usage of the phrase…to them it’s more of a pride! considering the money flushed out in possessing these stuff)

So….terribly pissed the ‘bahus’ plot against this ‘tulsi’ and one of them-'Damini' decides to meet with this “thakral guy” at his home to team up against the poor mystic spiritually lamented soul.
Now the cinematography is what bamboozles you….The interiors of the house is all dark and spooky....the first step inside will instinctively make you look around for bats…
Occasionally one can come across candles whose light expose some of the most horrible looking portraits goofy enough to spook the shit out the bats if at all they were there. Then the floor makes u realize that the set has been recently used for shooting a gag on Laloo’s barn, with hay n pieces of straw lying all over the place… time constraint!! Poor people din even get the time to clean up the mess before the new group comes to occupy the sets….There is no furniture inside the haunted house except for a rocking-chair where this beefy thakral guy lays his lazy ass all day musing over her wife’s photographs. He lives alone…with his numerous cats roaming all around him which is his second most dreaded obsession as he treats them like dear children…no wonder he has named his only son ‘Billy’…lol
Now…as one of the bahus- ‘Damini’ enters the den offering help….the largely ‘deprived’ guy makes a beeline for her and without a clue locks the door from inside. Viewers as well as Damini herself is confused by the toad like smile on his face apprehending his forth coming croak…n u know wat? D guy simply says that- “U are kidnapped hahaha” and getting the signal damini unwillingly has to stick to the script….n starts to cry.
Wow….had kidnappings been so easy I would have in no ways undergone the 4 torturous years of engineering only to slog in an IT company later on…..

He now sends a message to ‘Shantiniketan’ i.e. tulsi’s fortress, asking for ‘tulsi’ as ransom for Damini’s release.
Now.......
What ever follows is cheap utter bullshit! of high quality n tantalizing odor!.....

Every body in the house gets cold feet….half of them give away and rush to the nearest toilet n the rest stand frozen on the ground half dead! The camera zooms up to ever ones face! Followed by a loud “swoosh” emphasizing every ones apprehension….amazingly this is the only part when the entire family is seen together…obviously who wouldn’t wana be seen in close up on TV????
Hell!!! That guy is unarmed and supposedly ageing over 50! Staying alone and that too in the neighborhood, how the hell he manages to terrorize someone to such an extent??? I mean do people really get this horror struck?? Or else how they manage to accept what ever crap Ekta Kapoor displays…..beats me fellows. Getting back to the shit….Mehir and Tulsi’s most loyal son- ‘Karan’, decides to head to the police station…Though had he been given enough brains he would have rushed straight to the house and stormed it to rescue his bhabi….but nooooo this guy is a super smart kid of a superwoman. Tell you what? Even a baboon will have soo much brains to apply….and it have succeeded in it too. Mysteriously ‘Damini’s’ husband…’Gautam’ who is also a son to ‘tulsi’ was unavailable for the comment.
…meanwhile tulsi receives another threatening phone call from the neighboring house. Now is the most frustratingly hilarious part! Tulsi finally decided to submit herself to the hands of Thakral….looks around for some support…no one comes by….lol….
Finally wastes 10 precious minutes to boost her own confidence by spurring out some Sanskrit shlokas and Ramayana n Mahabharata references assuring herself of her duty to save her daughter from the demon “Ravan ke changul se bacha ke le aayegi ye seeta” lols lmao!
All useless dialogues uttered highlighting immodesty only to gain some lost respect shows us how to make the best use of the opportunity to shine yourselves in front of others, least bothering about the time that was being wasted instead of rescuing poor damini….well they like they say…it teaches us all…

So finally she reaches to Thakral’s house where she is given a warm welcome. The stupid Thakral thinks he as won the game….but god only knew how much of pain he was gona feel in his ass (call it- ‘prickly hot needling psychic verbal abuse’…so bad just imagine… constantly pricking your ass with a hot needle with the colder part protruding inside….ask why it is awful?? Coz the hotter region is still out side preventing you from even touching the needle and eventually letting it rot there) ….when Tulsi unleashed the fury of the ‘Ma kali’ much lethal than the ‘nerve gas’…actually can be called a better replacement of the nerve gas. Tulsi….already furious about the incident enrages with divine power!...amazing for a 65+ year old lady….(Bachpan me Pedigree kuch jyada ho gaya tha shyad) Thakral is at loss of words…as now tulsi starts to f**k him …verbally of course…. And then…….
Miraculously there appears a “Ma Kali’ Mandir inside the house…..just out of thin air!(God!!!....Can I have a couple of aspirins????? )
And tulsi hooks off the ‘trishool’ (a triple tipped pointed weapon) out of ma kali’s statue and terrorizes thakral….a flury of words, shlokas and references of ramayana, mahabharata, chandamama, tinkle…..badgering him continuously. The beefy big guy was turned into a whiskery poor old mouse lying down at her feet shocked and trembled…probably at the direction and the script of the story…or by the stingy odor of excessive cat droppings…it was hard to tell. Nevertheless Tulsi rescued her bahu and suddenly the next moment she is assumed to have dragged the man to the police station.
The Thakral guy was seemed to have brought to justice in style…..

Whoa!....people do really enjoy watching shit like this on television??? I am curious to know…coz lotsa money is put up in running this crap and even more money is generated here. All this made me ponder whether I have lost my touch with the present world or such shit is really appreciated. If it is? Then just wait Ms Ekta Kapoor I challenge your serendipity coz I can come up with much worse stuff than this and ruin your business. Lastly,
I feel sorry for the poor lady who characterizes Tulsi…as losing ones self respect and self- image doing a pathetic act on TV is one thing! Think of all the enchanting shlokas n mantras which would reverberate and haunt her mind for ages to come. Hmmmm…..someone has rightly said ‘Money Talks’(Paisa bolta hai…Jai jai money!)
But today I realized that shit sells too!!!
Good day folks...... :)