Saturday, 7 February 2009

Why did Mammoths perish ???

Here we are talking about Mammoths...yea the same 'M' lettered Big-Shot who used to roam around naked, scaring every one, until few years back... We all know, who they really were and what they were capable of…but, did any one of us ever thought why did they become extinct??? Even the researchers aren’t convinced with the available evidence for their sudden extinction (‘wiki’ doesn’t know too). Not that we care, but still worth a thought...




Well...here is a possible theory!

They were mentally too sick and tired of their lives…to an extent that, they did not have to get any inspiration from Dev D, or even had the need to watch RGV’s AAG…Their life sucked big time! It was this sickening feeling which emanated from deep within and kept on proliferating from fellow mates and one very fine day they could not stand it any more...so....


They all committed suicide!





Now you may ask why their lives were so despairing ???

Here are a few reasons as to why-

1. No Sex!!! Yep, that’s a real big blow…look at the image…they could do nothing more than scratch each others ass with that big tusk…(probably that’s how they developed that curvature)…I mean where the hell will you create contact ???

2. No Foreplay and fun- again owing to their massive tusks…performing oral is out of their dreams!! Poor fellows could only restrict themselves to sniffing…now that’s SAD

3. Tiresome, cant Sit and Rest- Again their big tusks proved to be much of a pain in the ass…for which sitting could only be possible by bending their hind legs yet keeping their front ones straight….there you have it....a perfect posture to develop a back ache! Aur shot laga liya

4. Sleep Deprived- Imagine with that outwardly pointing tusks, how on earth could they have managed to lie down and sleep??? The only position that I can think of is by lying down and facing up towards the sky…Now a 10 ton giant to get up from that position without hurting his teeth? You gotta be kidding...

5. Reproduction- How did they reproduce???? The above points already screw up the fun part in the process, yet if they had to? Then I believe we can have 2 possible cases-
a) If they reproduced like mammals, then owing to the above mentioned discrepancies, the fetal point would have to be somewhere outside the two mating bodies…now that is a disgrace for the poor baby mammoth, unaware of his parents’ nonchalance.
b) Else, If the mother mammoth lays an egg, (neglecting all the possible means of how she would be able to) then it would be hideously painful for her to shove an egg out of her (which ever)organ, obviously owing to its two protruding pointed little baby tusks. Ooouch!…no wonder she’ll hate the baby before it is even born :P

6. Insecurity Complex- Although every one would have been scared of their large tusks, but Mammoths knew how useless they were. And this fact used to kill their confidence from inside…That’s because they were stupidly curved, they could only be used as a wall to shied their trunk in combat…They could hardly use it for piercing the opponent or to rip them apart. I have a feeling that at a later point in time, all the animals had come to realize this fact and had harassed them.

7. Racial Discrimination- They would have seen their other(later evolved) family counterparts-Elephants, nicely mingling with humans, as elephants provided added bounties like carrying logs, transportation and easy to handle figure. Considering the bona-fide human quality of bribing and showing partiality, Elephants would have increased their mockery of their own ancient ancestors. Poor souls...

8. Load- As a fact of dental science, approximately a third of our teeth is exposed and two-thirds of the whole lies inside, creating a solid foundation. Now look at this poor fellow’s case? With each tooth, easily weighing over 50 pounds and hanging by a weak support (check out its fossil remains you think I am wrong), ye kahan ka nyaay hai ??? It can get really nasty if a monkey happens to play around and accidentally loosen the hinges...the pain can melt his balls!

9. No Social Life- Hardly a place suitable for them to hang out with their buddies. They can’t go for a swim on the beach, nor trekking or hiking with that load. Forests could lead their tusks getting entangled...too much pain already. For Wooly-Mammoths who used to live in all snowy environments, they were hardly able to enjoy the snow! Skiing would be disastrous, because ten tons of a load on mother earth, if fallen, can only bring about an avalanche. Alas, Beer was not invented; otherwise they would have at least had a chance :)


So that’s what brought about the sad end of these creatures…Respond to this valuable finding earnestly, I may propose it further upon your approval :P

Source of Inspiration: Me and my roomie, Harpreet, were watching Lions in Discovery Channel yesterday. From there we got in to a discussion about whose social life is more worse…whether a Lion’s or a Tiger’s ?....We then went on to Cougars then Saber-tooth…and we finally ended up on Mammoths :D Useful inputs were provided by him too, in context of this valuable finding.

11 comments:

Aneesha Pillai said...

I was wondering why you suddenly got fascinated by mammoths!

Very indepth analysis on why their life was completely screwed-up :P Couple of days before, there was news about mammoth-snake skin found...the researchers predict they snake was so huge that they fed on crocodiles!

I feel atleast one of those mammoths should have survived..:)


Nice! Quick update :)

Silver Polish said...

nice analysis....
and u missed the nail in their couffin....
due to all these drawbacks, they mite well have been fed by carnivours like sabertooth...
tons of meet.....its basically then when the king of the jungle might have been decided.... :D

RicochetRabbit said...

@Aneesha... When you are on bench and ur friend into nuthing like a project, then u might participate into such serious and judgmental discussions ultimately leading to amazing theories ;) :D

@Desi... Good point!...but I may say, the situation was soo bad that they would have rather slit their wrists instead of waiting for saber-tooths to devour them up... :P

Ms. Sunshine said...

aaww.. i feeel sorry for those poor creatures!

Harpreet S. Gill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Harpreet S. Gill said...

make a thesis on this and forward to discovery..
one of this HAS to be right!!

nice compilation ;)

RicochetRabbit said...

@Ms Sunshine...
yea...actually mee too...but looking at the brighter side! I had great time discussing this with another always-jobless friend of mine ;) :D

@Harpreet
lol...I wonder how come we din realize our exceptional geologial reasoning talent until now..? may be they can offer us some job..i suppose? ;) :P

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